Up until this week I had been messaging the link to this blog to those I wanted to share it with. It was only a handful of people. I'd resend it every Saturday to each of them individually through a Facebook message with a short "It's Saturday!" note to let them know there was a new post. A week ago, I decided to update my Facebook status with this:
"This is really for a handful of you, but if you're following my weight-loss blog, you have the link. I am no longer going to send out weekly reminders to everyone. If you would like to follow and don't have the link, give me a holler. Thanks!"
I really thought maybe a couple of people would ask me for the link, but was surprised that quite a few people did. So then I was faced with knowing once I clicked on send, my starting weight, my current weight, the whole journey was going to be out there for everyone to see. The first few were hard. But it occurred to me that if anyone was helped by my sharing it, that's one of the reasons I'm doing it. Then it got easier. If anyone is inspired to lose even 10 pounds, to take up a new sport, to exercise on a regular basis, to try a new healthy food once a week, to eat healthier, to drastically overhaul their diet, to run a 5k, to jog for 3 minutes, anything at all... that is reason enough to suck it up and click send.
The truth is, if I had run into someone from high school 6 months ago, I wouldn't have needed "336 lb." tattooed on my forehead for them to realize I was morbidly obese. It was apparent. Saying that number out loud, even at the beginning of this journey, was far too hard. But you know what? The more I say it, and the farther I go away from it, the easier it becomes. I own it. I own 336. I own it because there are so many other women (and men) out there exactly where I was, who really need someone to inspire them. I may or may not be that person for them, but I'm going to live my life everyday as if I am. I own it because I will not go back there.
Someday I will say, "I lost more than half my weight." Someday 336 will seem unfathomable to people who didn't know me before. Forgetting is not an option. Pretending like I was never there or like it really wasn't THAT bad isn't an option either. I'll never be there again, but 336 is mine.
Weigh- in: I felt like I was going to have a good number this week and I was right. The scale revealed a 4 pound loss, which put me at 61 pounds gone!!!
Week 20: 287, -0 lb./-49 lb. total
Week 21: 284, -3 lb./-52 lb. total
Week 22: 280, -4 lb./-56 lb. total
Week 23: 279, -1 lb./-57 lb. total
Week 24: 275, -4 lb./-61 lb. total
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
What a Run!
No, I didn't run my first 5k, not yet anyway, but yesterday was pretty good in it's own right. Let me fill you in.
My sister and I started the C25K program March 20th. So we've been running for 12 weeks now and the vast majority of that time has been spent in Week 3 of the 8 week program. Honestly, Week 4 has always felt too daunting. There's a major difference between Weeks 3 and 4, and at my weight I've just never felt ready.
When we first started running I sounded like a woman in labor. Actually I sounded like someone trying to do Lamaze breathing but who really, really sucked at it, hahahaha! If there were other people at the track while we were running they would always turn around to see who was making all the noise. I've screamed, I've moaned, I've cried, you name it. Over the many weeks we've spent in Week 3, I've finally learned to control my breathing. Do I still feel like I'm dying? Sure, but somehow I've learned to manage it. So, this week my sister said, "Let's do this thing." To which I replied, "Um... okay. Let's."
I have to admit I was nervous. A little scared even. We had never run a 5-minute stretch before and now we were going to do it twice in a 30 minute period, as well as two 3-minute stretches. Also, the recovery periods between runs were going to be shorter as well. I wasn't sure I could do it but I was willing to try.
We walked briskly for 5 minutes, then ran for 3 minutes. All was good. It was the 5 minute run I was worried about and it was now upon us. I was determined not to look down at the timer on the iPod. I knew knowing how much time was left in the stretch would make me want to quit. I decided to keep my eyes on the pavement just in front of me and keep moving. At 3/4 of a lap I was hurting. At a lap I was ready to quit, but I knew without looking that was around the 3 minute mark. I saw another woman at the track. She was much bigger than me. She was walking. She made me want to keep going. It hurt. It sucked. I felt like I might cry. Then I heard the chime which meant the 5 minutes were up and it was time to walk! We still had another 3 and another 5 (both of which we did, yay!), but in that moment I was crazy proud of both of us. What a breakthrough! We'd gone from running 9 out of 30 minutes to running 16 out of 30 minutes, and finally ran a 5 minute stretch. Yes, super proud!
I know this is not what they mean by "runner's high", but it might as well be.
My sister and I started the C25K program March 20th. So we've been running for 12 weeks now and the vast majority of that time has been spent in Week 3 of the 8 week program. Honestly, Week 4 has always felt too daunting. There's a major difference between Weeks 3 and 4, and at my weight I've just never felt ready.
When we first started running I sounded like a woman in labor. Actually I sounded like someone trying to do Lamaze breathing but who really, really sucked at it, hahahaha! If there were other people at the track while we were running they would always turn around to see who was making all the noise. I've screamed, I've moaned, I've cried, you name it. Over the many weeks we've spent in Week 3, I've finally learned to control my breathing. Do I still feel like I'm dying? Sure, but somehow I've learned to manage it. So, this week my sister said, "Let's do this thing." To which I replied, "Um... okay. Let's."
I have to admit I was nervous. A little scared even. We had never run a 5-minute stretch before and now we were going to do it twice in a 30 minute period, as well as two 3-minute stretches. Also, the recovery periods between runs were going to be shorter as well. I wasn't sure I could do it but I was willing to try.
We walked briskly for 5 minutes, then ran for 3 minutes. All was good. It was the 5 minute run I was worried about and it was now upon us. I was determined not to look down at the timer on the iPod. I knew knowing how much time was left in the stretch would make me want to quit. I decided to keep my eyes on the pavement just in front of me and keep moving. At 3/4 of a lap I was hurting. At a lap I was ready to quit, but I knew without looking that was around the 3 minute mark. I saw another woman at the track. She was much bigger than me. She was walking. She made me want to keep going. It hurt. It sucked. I felt like I might cry. Then I heard the chime which meant the 5 minutes were up and it was time to walk! We still had another 3 and another 5 (both of which we did, yay!), but in that moment I was crazy proud of both of us. What a breakthrough! We'd gone from running 9 out of 30 minutes to running 16 out of 30 minutes, and finally ran a 5 minute stretch. Yes, super proud!
I know this is not what they mean by "runner's high", but it might as well be.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
My Mind Is Made Up
I'm still reading and researching, but my mind is made up... I'm going to adopt a whole foods/plants-based diet. I know to many that sounds extreme. I went vegan for 9 months over a decade ago. I know I can live without meat. I want to do it more now than I ever did back then and for very different reasons. I'm already being asked "Why?!!!" and my only answer is that it is the next right step for me, for my health. I'm reading, researching, and it just feels right. I'm not asking anyone else to do it, to accommodate me, or to understand. I only need others to not want fight about it, if that makes sense.
I'm also stepping away from processed/packaged foods. Yes, I realize this is pretty drastic stuff, but it's what I'm feeling pulled to do. If you're curious, no I am not going to make my children do the same. Yes, the are eating healthier these days. They choose fruit over cookies and carrots over chips often. But at this point, at the beginning of this, of MY journey, I don't feel I need to push any of this on them. I don't know what will happen down the road, but right now I only want to help them make better food choices and move more. This week alone I introduced them to kale, eggplant, Brussells sprouts, and avocado. Only the latter wasn't a winner (well, Aaron loved it... the others, not so much). Baby steps with the kiddos.
I got on the scale this morning needing only one pound to get me out of the 280's forever, and that's exactly what I got! I've learned to be happy with the scale, even when it reveals a 1 or a 0, as long as I've done my best that week. This week was a week of adjustment, as I ate very little meat and lots of veggies,and also had no flex points and didn't meet my points allowance for any given day. I see a time in the very near future when Weight Watchers is a thing of the past for me, simply because it will not be needed with the new way of eating. However, I do still love and fully endorse Weight Watchers. It's a wonderful program for anyone needing to lose weight. I will forever be grateful for what I was able to do on the program.
Week 20: 287, -0 lb./-49 lb. total
Week 21: 284, -3 lb./-52 lb. total
Week 22: 280, -4 lb./-56 lb. total
Week 23: 279, -1 lb./-57 lb. total
I'm also stepping away from processed/packaged foods. Yes, I realize this is pretty drastic stuff, but it's what I'm feeling pulled to do. If you're curious, no I am not going to make my children do the same. Yes, the are eating healthier these days. They choose fruit over cookies and carrots over chips often. But at this point, at the beginning of this, of MY journey, I don't feel I need to push any of this on them. I don't know what will happen down the road, but right now I only want to help them make better food choices and move more. This week alone I introduced them to kale, eggplant, Brussells sprouts, and avocado. Only the latter wasn't a winner (well, Aaron loved it... the others, not so much). Baby steps with the kiddos.
I got on the scale this morning needing only one pound to get me out of the 280's forever, and that's exactly what I got! I've learned to be happy with the scale, even when it reveals a 1 or a 0, as long as I've done my best that week. This week was a week of adjustment, as I ate very little meat and lots of veggies,and also had no flex points and didn't meet my points allowance for any given day. I see a time in the very near future when Weight Watchers is a thing of the past for me, simply because it will not be needed with the new way of eating. However, I do still love and fully endorse Weight Watchers. It's a wonderful program for anyone needing to lose weight. I will forever be grateful for what I was able to do on the program.
Week 20: 287, -0 lb./-49 lb. total
Week 21: 284, -3 lb./-52 lb. total
Week 22: 280, -4 lb./-56 lb. total
Week 23: 279, -1 lb./-57 lb. total
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Big Changes and Big Fun
In the past few weeks I've really begun to realize just how much crap I eat. And by crap I mean packaged, processed foods with very little nutritional value. Sure, I'm eating less of it, and I've definitely been eating the less crappy crap, hahaha! But still. So Wednesday was the day I decided no more processed foods. I thought it was going to be at least a little hard, but so far it hasn't been. As I get a little more into this, I am even considering a whole foods/plants-based diet. It's still something I am reading about/researching and not something I would push on my kiddos, but I do feel myself being pulled in that direction.
This is not something I could have done at the beginning of this journey. At the beginning I was still addicted to food. Now those chains are broken. I realized this the other day when I went through the Taco Bell drive-through to get the kid's a taco and not only did I not order anything for myself, I didn't WANT to order anything for myself. In fact, I was excited about my lunch options awaiting me at home. Things like pizza and cookies and chips and fried foods just don't have any power over me anymore. It's really an amazing place to be!
In other news, we took the kiddos to Carowinds Thursday. It was the first time any of them had ever been and we all had a wonderful time! I went at least once a year as a child and all the time as a teenager, but haven't been at all in over a decade. Katelyn was adamant ahead of time she wanted to ride Thunder Road with me. I really thought she might chicken out when she saw it, but she did not. We also rode the kiddie coaster that used to be called Scooby-Doo (I refuse to call it anything else!) and the truth is I barely fit it either of them. The reality hit me that I wouldn't have been able to ride anything with them 6 months ago because I wouldn't have fit on the rides. Also, I wouldn't have been able to walk the park for nearly 8 hours either.
Something fairly new to the park is The Intimidator. You can see this insanely tall coaster from everywhere in the park. When we first saw it from the road I thought, "No way! NEVER!", but the more I watched it the more I felt it sucking me in and before I knew it I wanted to ride it. It has a seat sitting out front. If you can sit in it and pull the restraint back and the green light comes on, you will fit in the seat and can ride. I don't fit, but I was not sad, because I am determined that by the end of summer that green light is going to come on and I WILL ride the Intimidator. Incentive! If anyone wants to be the first to ride it with me, let me know. :-)
Onto today's weigh-in. Did a change in diet halfway through the week make a difference? Who knows? What I do know is I stepped on the scale to find a 4 pound loss. I'll take that any day of the week!
Week 20: 287, -0 lb./-49 lb. total
Week 21: 284, -3 lb./-52 lb. total
Week 22: 280, -4 lb./-56 lb. total
This is not something I could have done at the beginning of this journey. At the beginning I was still addicted to food. Now those chains are broken. I realized this the other day when I went through the Taco Bell drive-through to get the kid's a taco and not only did I not order anything for myself, I didn't WANT to order anything for myself. In fact, I was excited about my lunch options awaiting me at home. Things like pizza and cookies and chips and fried foods just don't have any power over me anymore. It's really an amazing place to be!
In other news, we took the kiddos to Carowinds Thursday. It was the first time any of them had ever been and we all had a wonderful time! I went at least once a year as a child and all the time as a teenager, but haven't been at all in over a decade. Katelyn was adamant ahead of time she wanted to ride Thunder Road with me. I really thought she might chicken out when she saw it, but she did not. We also rode the kiddie coaster that used to be called Scooby-Doo (I refuse to call it anything else!) and the truth is I barely fit it either of them. The reality hit me that I wouldn't have been able to ride anything with them 6 months ago because I wouldn't have fit on the rides. Also, I wouldn't have been able to walk the park for nearly 8 hours either.
Something fairly new to the park is The Intimidator. You can see this insanely tall coaster from everywhere in the park. When we first saw it from the road I thought, "No way! NEVER!", but the more I watched it the more I felt it sucking me in and before I knew it I wanted to ride it. It has a seat sitting out front. If you can sit in it and pull the restraint back and the green light comes on, you will fit in the seat and can ride. I don't fit, but I was not sad, because I am determined that by the end of summer that green light is going to come on and I WILL ride the Intimidator. Incentive! If anyone wants to be the first to ride it with me, let me know. :-)
Onto today's weigh-in. Did a change in diet halfway through the week make a difference? Who knows? What I do know is I stepped on the scale to find a 4 pound loss. I'll take that any day of the week!
Week 20: 287, -0 lb./-49 lb. total
Week 21: 284, -3 lb./-52 lb. total
Week 22: 280, -4 lb./-56 lb. total
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Time for the Happy Dance!
Week 20 came and went with a zero on the scale, but that was completely okay. I still stuck to my points, exercised, and did my thing. Zeroes happen and I refuse to allow them to derail me, or even disappoint me for more than 2.2 seconds. So on I moved!
Week 21 had a lot going on with the girls' dance recitals and a few other things. I missed a couple of days' work outs and that's okay too. Life is always changing and we have to change with it. I got right back to it once things settled down and didn't beat myself up over it. But I did feel a little"off" because of it if that makes any sense.
Weigh-in day. I've been anticipating, wishing for, wanting that 50 pounds mark so bad I can taste it for a couple of weeks now. Today was the day! Today the scale revealed a 3 pound loss, which puts my total at 52 pounds!!! I'm over the moon! 100, I'm comin' after you next! :-)
Note: My list was getting very long, so I'm going to start posting from week 20 here. If you want to see the stats from weeks 1-20, check out any post before this one.
Week 20: 287, -0 lb./-49 lb. total
Week 21: 284, -3 lb./-52 lb. total
Week 21 had a lot going on with the girls' dance recitals and a few other things. I missed a couple of days' work outs and that's okay too. Life is always changing and we have to change with it. I got right back to it once things settled down and didn't beat myself up over it. But I did feel a little"off" because of it if that makes any sense.
Weigh-in day. I've been anticipating, wishing for, wanting that 50 pounds mark so bad I can taste it for a couple of weeks now. Today was the day! Today the scale revealed a 3 pound loss, which puts my total at 52 pounds!!! I'm over the moon! 100, I'm comin' after you next! :-)
Note: My list was getting very long, so I'm going to start posting from week 20 here. If you want to see the stats from weeks 1-20, check out any post before this one.
Week 20: 287, -0 lb./-49 lb. total
Week 21: 284, -3 lb./-52 lb. total
Saturday, May 11, 2013
One Determined Mama
My sister and I had a converstion this week about willpower and determination. I told her I wish I could bottle mine up and give it to those struggling to lose weight who really need it. We all know it doesn't work that way, but it the conversation did get me thinking.
I've lost 50 pounds twice before on Weight Watchers. Both times I had barely hit that milestone when I found out I was pregnant (with Joshua, then Aaron). As proud as I was to be 50 pounds down, finding out I was pregnant was a relief. It gave me a reason to quit! Both times I struggled to stay on track after the first 6 weeks or so, and both times I could feel myself unraveling toward the end, and fast. Being pregnant was the perfect cover-up. No one ever had to know how close I had come to throwing in the towel and reverting to my old ways.
I haven't wavered in my resolve this time. My determination hasn't faltered. Some days/weeks are harder than others, sure, but I haven't once wanted to quit. What's the difference? Why am I not falling apart right about now?
December 29th I woke up, in more ways than one. I've said I literally opened my eyes that morning and said, "I'm done. Enough is enough." And it's true, I did. But I really believe God shook me that morning, saying, "You've been praying for change, for peace, for so long... it has to start with you. YOU must do this because you are more than capable and I won't do this for you or you'll never see how strong and able you really are." That's the difference. Not that He pushed, as I'm sure He had been pushing for quite a long while, but that I listened and embraced it.
You all know I'm sooooo close to 50 pounds lost. I would have loved to step on the scale this morning to find I had made it there, but I saw a 2 pound loss instead and I am not disappointed. I have lost 49 pounds and will hopefully be celebrating my 50 this time next week!
Starting weight: 336 lb.
Goal weight: 150 lb.
Week 1: 328, -8 lb.
Week 2: 325, -3 lb./-11 lb. total
Week 3: 323, -2 lb./-13 lb. total
Week 4: 317, -6 lb./-19 lb. total
Week 5: 314, -3 lb./-22 lb. total
Week 6: 312, -2 lb./-24 lb. total
Week 7: 312, -0 lb./-24 lb. total
Week 8: 306, -6 lb./-30 lb. total
Week 9: 306, -0 lb./-30 lb. total
Week 10: 306, -0 lb./-30 lb. total
Week 11: 304, -2 lb./-32 lb. total
Week 12: 300, -4 lb./-36 lb. total
Week 13: 300, -0 lb./-36 lb. total
Week 14: 300, -0 lb./-36 lb. total
Week 15: 298, -2 lb./-38 lb. total
Week 16: 295, -3 lb./-41 lb. total
Week 17: 293, -2 lb./-43 lb. total
Week 18: 289, -4 lb./-47 lb. total
Week 19: 287, -2 lb./-49 lb. total
Saturday, May 4, 2013
No Quitters Here
90 days. I have worked out exactly 90 days since the end of December. 5 days a week for 18 weeks is 90 days.
A few weeks into working out I remember saying to Mom, "I really don't want to exercise, but I do it anyway. Will there come a time when I want to do this?" She said there would but I'm not sure I believed her.
This week we were talking about my weight loss and progress and it occurred to me that somewhere along the way it had happened. I am now someone who likes to work out. I no longer dread it. In fact, I crave the satisfaction I feel at the end of a workout. I love the way it makes me feel, physically (incredibly strong) and mentally (strong, but also accomplished and clear-headed). It happened without my even realizing it.
That's not to say it's been easy-going. There have been more than a few workouts that made me cry. Runs are insanely hard. I've cried during 3 of those. But you know what? I NEVER quit. Not once. I kept going until the workout was done. I used to be a quitter. Not anymore.
Today's weigh-in: I stepped on the scale hoping for something. Anything. I'm getting so close to 50 pounds lost I'm becoming anxious and a tad impatient - 2 things weight loss doesn't care about. I was pleasantly surprised to see a 4 pound loss which put me at 289 - out of the 290's! Only 3 pounds to go until I meet me first 50 pound goal, woohoo!
Starting weight: 336 lb.
Goal weight: 150 lb.
Week 1: 328, -8 lb.
Week 2: 325, -3 lb./-11 lb. total
Week 3: 323, -2 lb./-13 lb. total
Week 4: 317, -6 lb./-19 lb. total
Week 5: 314, -3 lb./-22 lb. total
Week 6: 312, -2 lb./-24 lb. total
Week 7: 312, -0 lb./-24 lb. total
Week 8: 306, -6 lb./-30 lb. total
Week 9: 306, -0 lb./-30 lb. total
Week 10: 306, -0 lb./-30 lb. total
Week 11: 304, -2 lb./-32 lb. total
Week 12: 300, -4 lb./-36 lb. total
Week 13: 300, -0 lb./-36 lb. total
Week 14: 300, -0 lb./-36 lb. total
Week 15: 298, -2 lb./-38 lb. total
Week 16: 295, -3 lb./-41 lb. total
Week 17: 293, -2 lb./-43 lb. total
Week 18: 289, -4 lb./-47 lb. total
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