336

Up until this week I had been messaging the link to this blog to those I wanted to share it with. It was only a handful of people. I'd resend it every Saturday to each of them individually through a Facebook message with a short "It's Saturday!" note to let them know there was a new post. A week ago, I decided to update my Facebook status with this:

"This is really for a handful of you, but if you're following my weight-loss blog, you have the link. I am no longer going to send out weekly reminders to everyone. If you would like to follow and don't have the link, give me a holler. Thanks!"

I really thought maybe a couple of people would ask me for the link, but was surprised that quite a few people did. So then I was faced with knowing once I clicked on send, my starting weight, my current weight, the whole journey was going to be out there for everyone to see. The first few were hard. But it occurred to me that if anyone was helped by my sharing it, that's one of the reasons I'm doing it. Then it got easier. If anyone is inspired to lose even 10 pounds, to take up a new sport, to exercise on a regular basis, to try a new healthy food once a week, to eat healthier, to drastically overhaul their diet, to run a 5k, to jog for 3 minutes, anything at all... that is reason enough to suck it up and click send.

The truth is, if I had run into someone from high school 6 months ago, I wouldn't have needed "336 lb." tattooed on my forehead for them to realize I was morbidly obese. It was apparent. Saying that number out loud, even at the beginning of this journey, was far too hard. But you know what? The more I say it, and the farther I go away from it, the easier it becomes. I own it. I own 336. I own it because there are so many other women (and men) out there exactly where I was, who really need someone to inspire them. I may or may not be that person for them, but I'm going to live my life everyday as if I am. I own it because I will not go back there.

Someday I will say, "I lost more than half my weight." Someday 336 will seem unfathomable to people who didn't know me before. Forgetting is not an option. Pretending like I was never there or like it really wasn't THAT bad isn't an option either. I'll never be there again, but 336 is mine.

Weigh- in: I felt like I was going to have a good number this week and I was right. The scale revealed a 4 pound loss, which put me at 61 pounds gone!!!

Week 20: 287, -0 lb./-49 lb. total
Week 21: 284, -3 lb./-52 lb. total
Week 22: 280, -4 lb./-56 lb. total
Week 23: 279, -1 lb./-57 lb. total
Week 24: 275, -4 lb./-61 lb. total