The Scale Is Just a Tool (I'm Not Using for the Next Week)

I didn't blog last week. I faced another zero on the scale. I don't even know how many weeks it's been now. 5? 6? I stopped counting. It feels like a really long time, that's all I know. And it's getting old. I've racked my brain for what I can do differently, what I might be doing wrong, what might be causing this stall (even if it's something I can't control), and all this thinking about it is driving me crazy. The scale is, after all, just a tool. It is a measurement of my weight. It tells me each week whether or not I've dropped a few pounds, and while very useful on this journey it can become a burden when you reach a point like where I am right now. It can bring you down. It can make you sad. Or worse, it can cause you to become obsessed and want to get on it EVERY single day. Which is where I've been for the past week and a half. I've been on it every morning in that time frame, hoping to see it budge just a little. It never does. It's enough to drive one mad. And so, today, I will NOT get on the scale.
You read that right. Today I will not get on the scale. And I won't do it tomorrow either. Or the next day. My happiness in my journey has become too reliant upon it. Which means I've been unhappy a lot lately. Plateau's are going to happen. This one for me is most likely due to the enormous amount of stress I am under. I can't change what is happening in my life right now. I can't make the scale move. All I can do is stick to my points, make good food choices, run, work out, drink lots of water, and let the scale move in its own time. Oh, and not obsess over that number. Just as that number does not define me, whether or not it gets smaller each week should have no bearing on my happiness.

There are other tools to measure my success. How do I feel physically? How are my clothes fitting? How do I feel in my body? Does my body feel strong? Can I do things now that I couldn't do 8 months ago? How is my energy level? Do I look different in pictures? There are all sorts of ways to measure my progress, and this week every time I have the urge to hop on that scale I'm going to think about these things and resist it. I've got to get back to weighing in one day a week and not thinking about it the rest of the week.

Week 30: 271, -0 lb./-65 lb. total
Week 31: 271, -0 lb./-65 lb. total
Week 32: 271, -0 lb./-65 lb. total
Week 33: no weigh-in

Too Many Cookies

Another zero on the scale today. You all may think that's probably got me down, but it doesn't. I've spent the last few days trying to figure out what's going on and where to go from here. I think eating mostly veggies may have played some role in this plateau. I stopped keeping track of points then because it was nearly impossible to eat them all each day. It is possible that I haven't been eating enough a lot of days, and believe it or not, you won't lose weight that way. That likely explains the first few weeks of my not losing. The last two weeks though, are more likely explained by days of eating veggies, followed by days of eating cookies, lol! Yes, it's confession time: I've eaten far too many cookies this week while contemplating this situation. There, I said it. And now it's over and done and I'm moving on.

Where to go from here? While I ultimately do want to adopt a plants-based/whole foods diet, I'm realizing now is not the time. Losing the weight and getting healthy is top priority and I have to do that first. So, it's back on Weight Watchers for this girl. I'm totally cool with that and already well on my way. I'm hoping to report at least a 2 pound loss next week (that would put me out of the 270's), and I'm setting a 10 pound goal for the month of August. I may or may not reach it with all the stress I'm under, but I'm dang sure going to give it everything I've got.

Week 30: 271, -0 lb./-65 lb. total
Week 31: 271, -0 lb./-65 lb. total

The Electric Run... Here's How It All Went Down

I signed up months ago. It seemed it would never get here. I looked forward to it, dreamed about it, wondered how it would it all turn out. Yesterday, the day of reckoning arrived. Would the running I had been doing all this time pay off? Would it be enough? Would I end up walking? Would I walk or run across the finish line? I was a bundle of nerves.

My friend, Jessie, signed up to run it with me. She can run 3 miles any day of the week. She told me she would be my cheerleader. I was very thankful to have her there with me. Neither of us knew she was going to have to turn into Jillian Michaels to get the job done, but more on that later. :-) Her neighbor and friend, Heidi, also joined us for the race. Heidi is now my friend too, but I didn't know her before yesterday. Both of these amazing women were crucial in getting me across that finish line, and I'm convinced you never forget who you ran your first race with. 

Okay, so the race begins in waves. Every 5 minutes or so they count down from 10 and let a certain amount of people through. I'm not sure how many waves went before it was our turn, maybe 6 or so. Finally, we cross the start line and it immediately becomes apparent that the walkers are going to be hard to get around. I was worried that we were going to end up walking because it was so hard to get around them in the beginning. We are having to run outside the cones marking the path. Thankfully, that didn't last too long and things got easier. 

We're running, the music is great, the lights are great, the other runners/walkers costumes are fun to look at, but all that quickly starts to fade away a bit as the run itself becomes harder for me. When we pass the 1 mile mark I realize I haven't run much further than this without stopping.... EVER. I focus on getting to 1.5 miles (or around there) because I know there will be water there. I just wanted water. And to walk, I really wanted to walk, but I wasn't giving up yet. So I kept going, but right before we reach the water I began to tell Jessie, "This was a bad idea. I can't do this!" She said, "Yes, you can! Water's up ahead, keep running." And so we did. 

I know the water station was supposed to be halfway through the course and I also know I've already run farther than I ever have before and that is surely something to be proud of. But I came to run the whole thing, yet I just didn't see how that was going to happen. I was dead tired already and only halfway in. We tossed our water cups and picked up our pace again. This was also the point at which I ripped off all my glow stuff (necklaces, bracelets, rings) and threw them in the trash can. They were unbearable, lol! The race was at the speedway and this part was closed in. It was hot, and felt long. Here's where I started saying "I don't want to do this anymore!" over and over, and where I started to cry a little.

Jessie and Heidi assured me I most certainly did want to do this and cheered me on. My friends could easily have gone ahead and finished far ahead of me, but they stuck with me the whole time. We kept running. 

Then I saw the 2 mile marker. That should have been good, right? Wrong! That's when the tears came. That's when I felt TOO worn out to go on. That's when reminding myself that "it doesn't get any worse than this" flew out the window. That's when Jessie and Heidi needed their pom poms the most, and trust me,  they had a hard job! I cried more than I didn't that last mile. Around 2.5 miles I couldn't take it anymore. I said, "Jessie, I can't!" And I started to walk. She said, "Okay, walk. Walk for one minute, until we get to that cone up there and then you're going to run again." I said, "No, I can't. You and Heidi run, I'll walk." She said, "Are you going to go home and tell you're kids you WALKED across that finish line? No, you're not. THAT cone right there... run." And we ran. And I continued to tell them I couldn't, even as I did. And they continued to tell me "Yes, you can, and you are... see?" Even random women I didn't know saw my tears and my struggle and told me I could and cheered me on. It was an experience like no other. 

Oh! I forgot to mention the hills! There were hills... more than one. Grrrr! The first one was early on and not too bad, but the ones that came later, when I was already near or in tears, those were killer hills. Jess would see them before me and say, "Head down, look 5 feet in front of you, it's not that big" when it really was. I think she's done this a time or two. :-) 

Finally, we see the finish line off in the distance. Ahead of time I had thought seeing the finish line would give me a rush of adrenaline and change my attitude. It didn't happen.  Once I could see it, it was too far away. I kept telling Jessie and Heidi I just wanted to walk across it, but they kept telling me, "No! You do not! Keep running!" And I kept running though my body was screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" I kept running because Jess and Heidi knew I could and knew I wanted it, and knew all I needed was friends to keep me moving. 

Jessie, Heidi, and I ran across the finish line together. I was Wonder Woman, Rocky Balboa, and all three Power Puff Girls rolled into one in that moment! I know I did it, but I couldn't have done it without my friends. Thank you Jessie and Heidi, for not leaving me, for running at a slower pace for me, for not complaining about my "I can'ts!", for letting me cry, for pushing me beyond what I thought I was capable of. I love you both! 

Let's Play Catch-Up

Yes, I know, it's been awhile. No worries, nothing bad or crazy is going on. I've just been super busy and really stressed and letting life get in the way somewhat. Two weeks ago I had another 0, last week a 1, then today another 0. Am I happy with those results? No, but I'm not beating myself up over them or letting them get to me either.

This week will be a week of trying to figure out what I can do differently, better, or where I'm going wrong. I know my stress level has been through the roof and that hasn't been helping, but there must be other factors. So, it's time to figure it out and keep moving forward.

Week 20: 287, -0 lb./-49 lb. total
Week 21: 284, -3 lb./-52 lb. total
Week 22: 280, -4 lb./-56 lb. total
Week 23: 279, -1 lb./-57 lb. total
Week 24: 275, -4 lb./-61 lb. total
Week 25: 274, -1 lb./-62 lb. total
Week 26: 272, -2 lb./-64 lb. total
Week 27: 272, -0 lb./-64 lb. total
Week 28: 272, -0 lb./-64 lb. total
Week 29: 271, -1 lb./-65 lb. total
Week 30: 271, -0 lb./-65 lb. total

It's Not Always Easy

After my celebratory post last week, I wish I had something a nicer to post today. But the fact of the matter is, I had a REALLY bad week. It was stressful from the first day to the last. I didn't fall completely off the wagon or anything. There were no fast food value meals eaten and I didn't start pigging out in the middle of the night, or anything, I just wasn't following my own rules. I ate after dinner even if I wasn't hungry. I only worked out 2 days... 2 days! I snacked at times I normally do not. I let the part of me that got me to 336 in the first place elbow its way back in, just a little. The entire week I just felt completely off-kilter, and it showed up on the scale.

It's been 7 weeks since I faced a 0 on the scale, but I deserved the one I got yesterday morning. I was fully expecting it, and I had already decided I was okay with it because I couldn't go back in time and do the week over. There is no point in beating myself up over it. The only thing I can do is to get back on track this week and that's what I'm doing. I cannot fall into that trap. I've come too far to ever go back to where I was, but I did want to write this post so you all can see we ALL have bad days or bad weeks. What we choose to do about it, that's on each of us, and that's what will make all difference in a journey like mine.

Week 20: 287, -0 lb./-49 lb. total
Week 21: 284, -3 lb./-52 lb. total
Week 22: 280, -4 lb./-56 lb. total
Week 23: 279, -1 lb./-57 lb. total
Week 24: 275, -4 lb./-61 lb. total
Week 25: 274, -1 lb./-62 lb. total
Week 26: 272, -2 lb./-64 lb. total
Week 27: 272, -0 lb./-64 lb. total

Six Months!!!

Today I celebrate 6 months. Today I celebrate 6 months of healthy eating (well, in the beginning it was just better eating, but it became healthy along the way), 6 months of working out, 6 months of drinking only water, 6 months of learning to love my body for what it is now instead of waiting until my body is a certain weight and/or looks a certain way, 6 months of a changed life, and 6 months of being the best me I can possibly be at any given moment. I am beyond thankful for God's "wake-up" call 6 months ago.

6 months is HALF A YEAR. Now that seems crazy. If you had asked me on my 35th birthday where I thought I'd be in half a year, here wouldn't have even been on my radar. I am grateful, thankful, humbled, amazed, you name it. And I'm going to keep on keepin' on, as they say. I can't wait to see what the next 6 months have in store.

Weigh-in: 2 pounds today and I'll take it!

Week 20: 287, -0 lb./-49 lb. total
Week 21: 284, -3 lb./-52 lb. total
Week 22: 280, -4 lb./-56 lb. total
Week 23: 279, -1 lb./-57 lb. total
Week 24: 275, -4 lb./-61 lb. total
Week 25: 274, -1 lb./-62 lb. total
Week 26: 272, -2 lb./-64 lb. total

Things I Never Thought I'd Be

I've never considered myself a role model, not really. Or at least not a very good one. And I certainly never thought I would be an inspiration to anyone, for any reason. Until I "woke up", I was a pretty miserable person. I was negative, I complained all the time, everything got on my nerves, I was short with everyone... I was generally not pleasant to be around a lot of the time. It's the truth so I'm laying it out there.

It's been almost 6 months now since I changed my life. I'm still changing, of course. There are still a lot of aspects of my life that need work. I've gotten a good handle on my health and now need to focus on using that same determination in other areas. And that's okay. Everything isn't going to come together all at once. But I can see the effect the changes I have already made are having on my kiddos and family. Choosing to work on myself, choosing to be positive, choosing not to complain, choosing the good over the bad when there is a choice to be made, it's all having an impact. The kids are making better food choices and moving more as well just because they see me doing those things, and that is icing on the cake!

I've also been receiving e-mails and messages letting me know that I am inspiring others along my journey- friends I talk to regularly, acquaintances, people I went to high school with, people I barely know, etc. That's pretty amazing! I hadn't considered this aspect when I started out. While pulling up my bootstraps, I couldn't see past my boots. This has been surprising and something I am very thankful for.

Weigh-in: This week was uneventful. No bumps, nothing new to report. Still working toward the 100% whole foods/plant-based diet. Down 1 pound this week.

Week 20: 287, -0 lb./-49 lb. total
Week 21: 284, -3 lb./-52 lb. total
Week 22: 280, -4 lb./-56 lb. total
Week 23: 279, -1 lb./-57 lb. total
Week 24: 275, -4 lb./-61 lb. total
Week 25: 274, -1 lb./-62 lb. total